Goldilocks measures and compares adult toys. Everything here is written in plain words, and none of it is for under-18s.
We remember your answer for this visit only — nothing is stored beyond the session, and no account is needed.
3 sizes, 4.7–10.0″ around, each drawn to scale from the maker's published figures.
Wider than the page here — scroll the chart sideways for the rest of the range. It's drawn at one fixed scale so every size stays directly comparable.
Shape traced from the maker's own cut-out, drawn from the maker's numbers — 4.7″ around at the widest point of the shaft.Sized to your screen by the card you matched.
Hold any bank card upright against the screen and drag until the outline matches it — every card is 85.6 × 54 mm.
Owners put the comfortable increment at half an inch of circumference per step up, an inch at the very most. Anything wider is where the “I sized up and regretted it” posts come from — girth is the constraint, not length.
The X-Small is 4.7″ around over 4.1″ usable — a girth-to-length ratio of 1.14. Owners who are short on depth filter for a ratio of 1.3 or higher — girth without the length to go with it. This one sits under it.
| Maker says maker-published | Owners measured community-measured | |
|---|---|---|
| Usable length | 4.1″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Total length | 5.3″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Tip girth | 3.6″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Mid girth | 4.3″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Base girth | 4.7″ | no owner measurements yet |
Left column is the maker's own published figure, re-read daily. Right column is owners' calipers — n is how many, and ✓ lands at three independent measurements agreeing within 2mm. Nobody has measured any of these yet — measured yours? here's how →
Wandering Bard Toyspublishes Shore 00 values. Shore number leads the label ("00-30 Soft"). Tops out at 00-50 — no Firm/10A tier exists.
Girth beats the label. Wandering Bard Toys put it plainly: "There are many factors that can may a toy feel more or less firm, thicker toys will have less squish and feel firmer."1
Soft mutes texture. The softer the pour, the less of the surface you feel. It's the trade-off behind the question owners ask each other most often when a configurator makes them choose — one we read repeatedly across our own thread corpus, never from a maker. Girthy and smooth points at soft, girthy and heavily textured points at softer still, and firm is what you pick when you want the texture to land.
No owner has filed a squish report on a Wandering Bard Toys label yet. At 3 we start printing what they found next to what the maker claims — one pour isn't a finding. File one →
The X-Small Tarrasque has 4.1″ of usable length and 4.7″ around at its widest, as Wandering Bard Toys publish it. It measures 5.3″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
The Small Tarrasque has 5.3″ of usable length and 6.1″ around at its widest, as Wandering Bard Toys publish it. It measures 6.5″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
The X-Large Tarrasque has 8.7″ of usable length and 10.0″ around at its widest, as Wandering Bard Toys publish it. It measures 10.6″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
Wandering Bard Toys offer it in “00-30 Soft” and “00-31 Soft”. On our common scale that runs 00-30 Soft → soft and 00-31 Soft → soft, each with the source behind it on our firmness table. “00-30 Soft” and “00-31 Soft” land on the same soft step, and that is where the evidence puts them. 00-31 Soft: community reading placement. Near Clear formulation of Soft; firms with heat/age. Size moves the answer as much as the label does — Wandering Bard Toys say so themselves: "There are many factors that can may a toy feel more or less firm, thicker toys will have less squish and feel firmer." Softer silicone also mutes texture, so if you're buying this for what the surface does, firmer keeps more of it.
Source — FAQ's — The Wandering Bard
Wandering Bard Toys advise against silicone lube. They name water-based and oil-based lube as safe. In their words: "Use only water or oil based lubricants." Wandering Bard gives no reasoning and does not name silicone lube explicitly — the exclusion is by omission from an allow-list. Makers genuinely disagree on this one, so a rule you've read on another maker's page may not hold here.
Source — FAQ's — The Wandering Bard
Straight from Wandering Bard Toys: Warm water and mild unscented soap (or a platinum-silicone toy cleaner) before and after every use; boil 5–10 minutes for a deeper clean; explicitly do NOT use a dishwasher. Wash thoroughly before and after every use with warm water and mild unscented soap, or a toy cleaner made for platinum silicone. Silicone is statically charged and picks up dust, lint, hair and stray mica from the workshop air. If you find shimmer on your hands after washing, wipe down with isopropyl alcohol or unscented non-moisturising hand sanitiser and wash again. "We do not recommend washing in a dishwasher" — food and detergent residue, and it only really cleans on a sanitise setting. This is the opposite of Bad Dragon's and SquarePeg's advice; render it as this maker's position.
Source — FAQ's — The Wandering Bard
New inventory drops all at once on the last Thursday of the month at 6 PM, with a pre-shop preview beforehand. Alongside that, customs/made-to-order let you pick size, firmness, colours and pour style on existing models. Fully custom *designs* are not offered. Their own stated windows — inventory: ships on the next available shipping day; the shop ships Monday, Wednesday and Friday; orders after 12pm EST count as next day and custom / made-to-order: most are made and shipped in 1–3 business days unless otherwise stated. Those windows are the maker's own published figures.
Sources — FAQ's — The Wandering BardFAQ's — The Wandering BardFAQ's — The Wandering Bard
Not yet. Every number here is a figure published by Wandering Bard Toys. When three or more owners measure the same point and agree within 2mm, we mark it verified and show the count — nothing on this sculpt has reached that bar.
Structured reviews, community measurements and spec corrections — the checks that catch a wrong number. Log in to add yours.
Reviews, measurements and corrections come from people who own the toy.
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