Goldilocks measures and compares adult toys. Everything here is written in plain words, and none of it is for under-18s.
We remember your answer for this visit only — nothing is stored beyond the session, and no account is needed.
Maker spec sheets disagree with each other, with reality, and sometimes with themselves. The only fix is to say exactly where a tape measure goes before anyone argues about what it read. This is that document — the whole protocol, including the awkward bits and the things we refuse to claim. It has a version number, and it will get a changelog rather than quiet edits.
Where we actually are today, plainly: the site carries 1,645 sizes of maker-published figures, and community measurement submissions aren't open yet. Every spec table on the site therefore shows an empty right-hand column, which fills as owner submissions open.
Insertable length — the number we lead with — is measured along the centre line from the tip to the point where the shaft stops and the base begins. It excludes the flare, the suction cup, any mount or hole, and any deliberately unusable stem. If a shaft flows into its base with no clean edge, we take the widest point of the flare as the boundary and treat everything below it as base.
Total length is the whole object end to end, flare included. It's the number that tells you whether the toy fits in the drawer — not the one that tells you how it feels. We publish both when the maker does, and we never quietly present one as the other.
Plugs are the exception: a plug's usable length runs to the neck, so where a maker publishes a single length for a plug we keep their label rather than inventing an insertable figure they never claimed.
| Station | Where the tape goes | Why it's on the sheet |
|---|---|---|
| Tip | The widest part of the head, measured across the crown — not at the very point. | Almost every maker publishes it. It's the number that decides whether the first inch is easy. |
| Head | A separate crown measurement, kept apart from “tip” only when the maker names both. | Rare. We never invent one by splitting a published tip figure in two. |
| Mid | Halfway along the insertable length, at whatever the shape is doing there. | The everyday girth — the one most people mean when they say “how thick is it”. |
| Base | The lowest point of the shaft that still goes in — immediately above the flare, never on it. | Usually the widest number on the sheet, and the one that decides the last inch. |
| Knot | The knot or node bulge at its widest point, wherever it sits along the shaft. | First-class on this site: it's a fit constraint, not a feature bullet. |
| Max | The widest girth anywhere on the insertable length, when the maker doesn't say where it is. | Some makers publish “widest” and nothing else. We record it as max rather than guessing it's the base. |
| Min | The narrowest girth anywhere on the insertable length — the shaft's waist. | Same rule as max: recorded as an unplaced number when the maker gives no location. |
Makers name these things differently — “Mid-Shaft Circumference”, “Above Base”, “widest point”. We map each one onto the seven names above and keep the maker's verbatim label stored alongside, so a translation is always reversible. Where a maker publishes a widest and a narrowest without saying where they are, they stay max and min: unplaced numbers we won't pretend to locate.
Two positions we deliberately do not guess. First, where along the shaft a station sits: makers publish girths, not distances, so the to-scale silhouettes on sculpt pages approximate the positions and say so on the drawing. Second, which station is widest — we read that off the numbers, never off the shape.
Girth, circumference and “the distance around” are the same measurement. It's the one a tape can actually take on an object you can't push a ruler through, it's what nearly every maker publishes, and it's what we publish.
Diameter is derived: d = c ÷ π, with π = 3.14159. Every derived diameter on this site carries a ~, for one reason: π only tells the truth about circles, and toys are ovals. Two sculpts with an identical 6″ girth can be visibly different widths across. So compare girth to girth, and read any diameter as a sketch. The converter does the sum both ways with the same caveat attached.
Textured shafts: measure at the crest. Scales, ridges and nubs make the tape read differently a few millimetres apart. Ours goes over the highest points of the texture, not down in the valleys — that's the girth a body has to accommodate. A valley measurement is a different number that we'd label as such rather than blend in.
Measures circumference directly — the number that matters most. Wrap once around the station, snug against the surface and over the texture, without compressing the silicone. With string: mark where it meets itself, then lay it flat on a ruler.
Pitfall: pulling tight. Silicone squashes, and a firm pull can shave several millimetres off a soft pour.
Measure across, so they give a true diameter at the point the jaws touch — useful precisely because it captures the oval that π hides. Close the jaws until they kiss the surface, not until the silicone gives. Take the widest reading and the narrowest at the same station where the shape isn't round, and tell us both.
A caliper diameter is never converted into a published circumference — it's stored as a diameter, marked as one.
Measure each station twice and use the second reading if they differ; the first one is usually the one where the tape slipped. Room temperature, toy dry and clean, nothing propped against it.
Rounding stays ours: submit what you read, we store to a tenth of a millimetre and round once, at display time.
Each measurement is stored as its own fact — the reading, the station, whether it was taken around or across, who submitted it and when — and never averaged into the maker's figure. Once three independent owners agree within 2mm at the same station, that figure becomes community-verified and wears ✓ verified ×3 on every page it appears. Below three, it shows the count it has: 2 owners — a running count, not yet a verdict.
If submissions spread wider than 2mm, the figure is marked disputed and stays that way. That is a finding, not a failure: pour-to-pour variance is real on hand-poured toys, and a disputed girth tells you more than a tidy average would.
Verbatim, always: “Soft”, “SuperSoft”, “75% Soft”, “Medium Shaft, Firm Base”. It's stored exactly as published and shown exactly as published, because it's what you'll be asked to pick at checkout.
Five steps — ultra soft, soft, medium, firm, extra firm — with Shore 00 (and Shore A at the firm end) underneath where a Shore value exists. This is the only way “Uncover soft” and “Bad Dragon medium” can be compared at all. Every mapping carries an evidence mark.
Owners vote on one question — does the label match the squish? Softer, about right, or firmer — with the toy's age attached, because silicone changes. Counted and shown with n; never converted into a Shore number.
| Mark | Evidence tier | What it means |
|---|---|---|
| † | Maker-published | The maker prints a Shore value on their own site. We use it verbatim and cite them. |
| § | Corroborated secondhand | A maker-stated figure gathered from somewhere other than the maker's live site, with at least one independent check. |
| ‡ | Best-evidence reading | No Shore value exists anywhere. We place the label from reviewers' squish tests and say plainly that confidence is lower. |
Two things the community learned the hard way, which we treat as part of the method rather than trivia: girth changes perceived firmness — the same Shore value reads firmer in a thicker pour — and softer masks texture. A firmness figure without the girth beside it is half an answer, which is why the two always travel together on a sculpt page.
One material fact gets its own footnote everywhere it applies: pigment-free clear silicone firms up as it ages, whoever pours it. A label that was accurate on the day it left the workshop can be wrong a year later — so squish reports record the toy's age, and old-toy verdicts don't silently overwrite the pour-day figure.
“Base circumference” doesn't mean the same thing at every maker. Some publish the bottom of the shaft, which is the station described above. Others publish the flare — the disc you don't insert. Wandering Bard settle it in the label itself (“Above Base Circumference”), and Mr Hankey's “near base” reads the shaft; Bad Dragon's and Fantasy Grove's base figures are the disc, which is how a toy with 4¼″ of usable length ends up listed at 8¼″ around. We never rewrite a maker's number. We record, per maker, which of the two things it measures — the label they publish, checked against whether the base runs consistently wider than the widest shaft station across every size — and then quote the shaft figure as the girth and the disc figure on its own line, where it answers a different question: harness fit, and whether it can get away from you. Knots count towards the girth: a knot is something a body has to take.
We have no spectrometer and run no chemistry. When a maker says platinum-cure silicone, we report that they say it. Body-safety verification is a real, expensive job — the last outfit that tried it (Dildology) stalled at two published results and is now a dead domain — and pretending otherwise would be the single most harmful thing this site could do.
A ✓ on this site means one narrow thing: independent owners measured a toy and their numbers agreed with each other. It is not a statement about what the toy is made of, whether it's safe for you, or how it will behave inside a body.
Nobody hands us toys and we own no durometer, so every Shore number here is somebody else's, sourced and marked. Community squish reports are opinions and stay counted as opinions — never converted into a Shore value presented as measured.
These are hand-poured objects. Pigment load, batch and age all move firmness, and the community has documented it for years. Our numbers describe the model as published and as measured by owners — not a guarantee about the specific one in your parcel.
If owners' calipers disagree with a spec sheet, both numbers stay on the page with their counts. We don't overwrite the maker's figure, and we don't delete ours.
Put positively, the entire claim of this site is: we report what makers publish, and we count what owners measure — and we show you which is which.
| Version | Date | What changed |
|---|---|---|
| v1.0 | 26 July 2026 | First publication. Length, girth stations, circumference-vs-diameter, tape vs calipers, firmness, and the scope limits — written down before the first owner measurement arrives, so nothing gets defined retrospectively to fit the data. |
v1.0 is the only version there has ever been, so every number on the site today was taken under it. When the protocol changes in a way that moves numbers, the change gets a version, an entry here, and a label on the affected figures — a restated measurement will say which protocol it was taken under. Corrections that don't move numbers (clearer wording, a new awkward case documented) get a dated line here too.