Goldilocks measures and compares adult toys. Everything here is written in plain words, and none of it is for under-18s.
We remember your answer for this visit only — nothing is stored beyond the session, and no account is needed.
3 sizes, 4.5–8.3″ around, each drawn to scale from the maker's published figures. 49 earlier pours have already found homes — these are the newest.
Wider than the page here — scroll the chart sideways for the rest of the range. It's drawn at one fixed scale so every size stays directly comparable.
Drawn from the maker's numbers — 4.5″ around at the widest point of the shaft. It's a silhouette, not a photograph: girth positions along the shaft are approximate.Sized to your screen by the card you matched.
Hold any bank card upright against the screen and drag until the outline matches it — every card is 85.6 × 54 mm.
Owners put the comfortable increment at half an inch of circumference per step up, an inch at the very most. Anything wider is where the “I sized up and regretted it” posts come from — girth is the constraint, not length.
The Small is 4.5″ around over 4.3″ usable — a girth-to-length ratio of 1.06. Owners who are short on depth filter for a ratio of 1.3 or higher — girth without the length to go with it. This one sits under it.
Knot girth 4.5–8.3″ — not the widest point on this sculpt. The narrowest published point measures 3.3–5.7″.
| Maker says maker-published | Owners measured community-measured | |
|---|---|---|
| Usable length | 4.3″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Total length | 3.7″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Tip girth | 3.3″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Mid girth | 4.3″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Knot girth | 4.5″ | no owner measurements yet |
Left column is the maker's own published figure, re-read daily. Right column is owners' calipers — n is how many, and ✓ lands at three independent measurements agreeing within 2mm. Nobody has measured any of these yet — measured yours? here's how →
Strange Bedfellaspublishes Shore 00 and Shore A values. Shore value is embedded in the option label itself ("Soft (0030)"), which makes them one of the easiest makers to normalise.
Girth beats the label. The same firmness reads firmer in a bigger size — there's simply more silicone resisting you. Owners hit this constantly comparing a soft large against a medium small and finding the soft one firmer.
Soft mutes texture. The softer the pour, the less of the surface you feel. It's the trade-off behind the question owners ask each other most often when a configurator makes them choose — one we read repeatedly across our own thread corpus, never from a maker. Girthy and smooth points at soft, girthy and heavily textured points at softer still, and firm is what you pick when you want the texture to land.
And a caveat from the maker."The shores of our firmness are as described by the manufacturer. We do not individually measure each toy for firmness." This is the cleanest statement in the category of what a firmness label actually is.1
No owner has filed a squish report on a Strange Bedfellas label yet. At 3 we start printing what they found next to what the maker claims — one pour isn't a finding. File one →
The Small Parasite has 4.3″ of usable length and 4.5″ around at its widest, as Strange Bedfellas publish it. It measures 3.7″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
The Medium Parasite has 6.0″ of usable length and 6.5″ around at its widest, as Strange Bedfellas publish it. It measures 5.0″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
The Large Parasite has 7.8″ of usable length and 8.3″ around at its widest, as Strange Bedfellas publish it. It measures 6.5″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
Strange Bedfellas offer it in “Medium 00-50”, “Near Clear 31*”, “Soft 00-30” and “Super Soft 00-20”. On our common scale that runs Medium 00-50 → medium, Near Clear 31* → soft, Soft 00-30 → soft and Super Soft 00-20 → ultra soft, each with the source behind it on our firmness table. “Near Clear 31*” and “Soft 00-30” land on the same soft step, and that is where the evidence puts them. Near Clear 31*: community reading placement. Nominally Soft; firms toward 00-45/00-50 with heat and age. Soft 00-30: reviewer-measured placement. Reviewer squish test on the Ceela agrees with the label. Size moves the answer as much as the label does: the same firmness feels firmer in a girthier size, because there's more silicone resisting you. Softer silicone also mutes texture, so if you're buying this for what the surface does, firmer keeps more of it.
Strange Bedfellas say silicone lube will damage it. In their words: "Please do not use silicone based lubes with our toys as it may damage them." Repeated verbatim in the store policies. No allow-list of other bases is published. Makers genuinely disagree on this one, so a rule you've read on another maker's page may not hold here.
Sources — FAQ's — Strange BedfellasStore Policies — Strange Bedfellas
Straight from Strange Bedfellas: Soap and water or boiling. Near Clear is the exception — do not boil it. Clean with soap and water, or by boiling. Always wash before the first use. Do not store with other toys unless you are certain they are 100% body-safe silicone.
Sources — FAQ's — Strange BedfellasStore Policies — Strange BedfellasOur Silicone — Strange Bedfellas
"We do drop new inventory every 2 weeks on Fridays at 4 PM Central." Customs are explicitly closed. The made-to-order alternative is "Friend Requests" — pre-set or surprise colour options on selected models, opened in batches whenever the queue allows, with no set schedule. Their own stated windows — inventory: shipped within 2–7 business days; the shop prefers Monday and Friday post office runs; no expedited shipping and friend request (made-to-order): per-listing wait times; the whole order ships only when the made-to-order item is finished. Those windows are the maker's own published figures.
Sources — FAQ's — Strange BedfellasStore Policies — Strange BedfellasFAQ's — Strange BedfellasShipping Policies — Strange BedfellasStore Policies — Strange Bedfellas
Not yet. Every number here is a figure published by Strange Bedfellas. When three or more owners measure the same point and agree within 2mm, we mark it verified and show the count — nothing on this sculpt has reached that bar.
Structured reviews, community measurements and spec corrections — the checks that catch a wrong number. Log in to add yours.
Reviews, measurements and corrections come from people who own the toy.
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