Goldilocks measures and compares adult toys. Everything here is written in plain words, and none of it is for under-18s.
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4 sizes, 8.7–10.9″ around, each drawn to scale from the maker's published figures. Pick a size and Mr Hankey's Toys pours yours to order.
Wider than the page here — scroll the chart sideways for the rest of the range. It's drawn at one fixed scale so every size stays directly comparable.
Shape traced from the maker's own cut-out, drawn from the maker's numbers — 9.3″ around at the widest point of the shaft.Sized to your screen by the card you matched.
Hold any bank card upright against the screen and drag until the outline matches it — every card is 85.6 × 54 mm.
Owners put the comfortable increment at half an inch of circumference per step up, an inch at the very most. Anything wider is where the “I sized up and regretted it” posts come from — girth is the constraint, not length.
The Med/LG is 9.3″ around over 8.0″ usable — a girth-to-length ratio of 1.16. Owners who are short on depth filter for a ratio of 1.3 or higher — girth without the length to go with it. This one sits under it.
| Maker says maker-published | Owners measured community-measured | |
|---|---|---|
| Usable length | 8.0″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Total length | 10.4″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Tip girth | 8.0″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Mid girth | 9.3″ | no owner measurements yet |
| Base girth | 8.7″ | no owner measurements yet |
Left column is the maker's own published figure, re-read daily. Right column is owners' calipers — n is how many, and ✓ lands at three independent measurements agreeing within 2mm. Nobody has measured any of these yet — measured yours? here's how →
Mr Hankey's Toys describe it — Get familiar with The Mikey dildo in four sizes featuring premium silicone realism and smooth sculpted texture. Bring home a favorite from Mr. Hankey's Toys.
Mr Hankey's Toysdescribes firmness as a percentage, not a material. Hankey's describes firmness as a percentage of an erection rather than a material property. Higher % = softer. No durometer value appears anywhere on their site.
Girth beats the label. The same firmness reads firmer in a bigger size — there's simply more silicone resisting you. Owners hit this constantly comparing a soft large against a medium small and finding the soft one firmer.
Soft mutes texture. The softer the pour, the less of the surface you feel. It's the trade-off behind the question owners ask each other most often when a configurator makes them choose — one we read repeatedly across our own thread corpus, never from a maker. Girthy and smooth points at soft, girthy and heavily textured points at softer still, and firm is what you pick when you want the texture to land. This sculpt is a textured one, so the choice is doing real work here.
No owner has filed a squish report on a Mr Hankey's Toys label yet. At 3 we start printing what they found next to what the maker claims — one pour isn't a finding. File one →
The Original The Mikey has 7.5″ of usable length and 8.7″ around at its widest, as Mr Hankey's Toys publish it. It measures 9.5″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
The Med/LG The Mikey has 8.0″ of usable length and 9.3″ around at its widest, as Mr Hankey's Toys publish it. It measures 10.4″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
The LG/XL The Mikey has 8.5″ of usable length and 10.2″ around at its widest, as Mr Hankey's Toys publish it. It measures 10.9″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
The XXL The Mikey has 9.0″ of usable length and 10.9″ around at its widest, as Mr Hankey's Toys publish it. It measures 11.1″ tip to base, but the base doesn't go in — usable length is the number that matters.
On the numbers Mr Hankey's Toys publish, yes: every size clears the community flare rule. The rule owners use: the base has to measure wider around than the widest part of the shaft, or it isn't reliably retrievable.
Mr Hankey's Toys offer it in “40% Soft”, “75% Soft”, “Extra Firm” and “Med Firm”. On our common scale that runs 40% Soft → medium, 75% Soft → soft, Extra Firm → extra firm and Med Firm → medium, each with the source behind it on our firmness table. “40% Soft” and “Med Firm” land on the same medium step, and that is where the evidence puts them. 40% Soft: community reading placement. "a penis that is 40-50% erect", "more forgiving and comfortable". Firmer than 75% Soft despite the lower number — the % is % of softness applied, not % erect in the intuitive direction. This ordering trips buyers up constantly. Med Firm: reviewer-measured placement. Phallophile: "'medium firm' option tests between 8 and 9A on the shore scale" — i.e. Shore A, above most indies' 00-50 Medium but below the 10A everyone else calls Firm. Size moves the answer as much as the label does: the same firmness feels firmer in a girthier size, because there's more silicone resisting you. Softer silicone also mutes texture: owners reach for soft on a girthy toy and super-soft on a girthy, heavily textured one, and firm when they want the texture to land.
Mr Hankey's Toys say silicone lube is fine. They name water-based and silicone-based lube as safe. In their words: "Hankey's Toys are used with all types of lubrication, including silicone-based formulas. We have performed our own testing, placing silicone samples in contact with common water & silicone-based lubricants, for up to 30 days and have not seen any adverse effects." It notes it cannot test every brand and recommends spot-testing a new lube on an inconspicuous part of the toy overnight. Its usage advisory separately tells buyers to "always apply a sufficient quantity of a safe, water-based lubricant" and to spot-test on the base — the two pages are not perfectly aligned; render both, don't average them. Makers genuinely disagree on this one, so a rule you've read on another maker's page may not hold here.
Sources — FAQs: Realistic Dildos, Fantasy Toys & Custom Orders — Mr. Hankey's ToysUsage & Safety — Mr. Hankey's Toys
Straight from Mr Hankey's Toys: Wash before first use — toys ship unwashed with mould release on them. Sanitise before and after each use with plain soap or mild dish detergent and warm water, rinse fully, dry with a clean cloth, store dry and not touching other toys. New toys arrive with an oily/greasy release agent (vaseline or similar) still on them; Mr Hankey's says it skips the post-production wash to keep costs down and leaves it to the customer. Harmless, but wash it off before use. Sanitise before and after each use with plain soap or mild dish detergent and warm water; never use hazardous chemicals. Rinse all detergent off, dry with a clean soft cloth or paper towel.
Sources — FAQs: Realistic Dildos, Fantasy Toys & Custom Orders — Mr. Hankey's ToysUsage & Safety — Mr. Hankey's Toys
The base disc measures 3.0″ across, so you want an O-ring at least that wide. Mr Hankey's Toys offer Vac-U-Hole on some models: An attachment hole in the base. Third-party handles, suction cups and some sex machines fit it. Mr Hankey's Toys offer Strapon Ring Size on some models: The base diameter published per size in the spec table — i.e. the O-ring size you need for a harness. Mr Hankey's is the only maker in our DB that publishes this as a first-class spec. Check the O-ring you already own before you buy.
Sources — FAQs: Realistic Dildos, Fantasy Toys & Custom Orders — Mr. Hankey's ToysFAQs: Realistic Dildos, Fantasy Toys & Custom Orders — Mr. Hankey's ToysGoldilocks — Scraping Recon, Big 3 Maker Sites (2026-07-17)
Every toy is built to order from a mould, with firmness, colour and Vac-U-Hole chosen at checkout. Dimensions cannot be customised — "our toys come from molds and the dimensions cannot be altered". Their own stated windows — domestic: approximately 8–16 business days to manufacture, plus 2–6 business days in transit and international: 7–10 days in transit after shipping; the maker asks customers to allow up to 8 weeks overall. Those windows are the maker's own published figures.
Sources — FAQs: Realistic Dildos, Fantasy Toys & Custom Orders — Mr. Hankey's ToysFAQs: Realistic Dildos, Fantasy Toys & Custom Orders — Mr. Hankey's ToysFAQs: Realistic Dildos, Fantasy Toys & Custom Orders — Mr. Hankey's Toys
Not yet. Every number here is a figure published by Mr Hankey's Toys. When three or more owners measure the same point and agree within 2mm, we mark it verified and show the count — nothing on this sculpt has reached that bar.
Structured reviews, community measurements and spec corrections — the checks that catch a wrong number. Log in to add yours.
Reviews, measurements and corrections come from people who own the toy.
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